Thursday 28 June 2007

Microfiction....


This is the piece I was thinking about when I said I was thinking along similar lines as I was last year. Its more the feel its gives me than the actual writing, the ideas of a future which is fantastic and mundane at exactly the same time. Kind of like the present really,

I'm putting a few ideas together for a net radio play and this I think is a good introduction to the idea of it being set in the future. I've got to actually round off the story first. I know how its going to end but I need to actually put pen to paper *ahem* I mean fingertip to keyboard to actually get it done. Then I can get the script polished and start thinking about actually recording it. Radio's not a medium I've done anything in before so its interesting trying to make it exciting with no visual cues whatsoever.

Microfiction: Snow


It hadn't snowed in the city for years. The syrupy cloud of super dense smog hanging over the city like a pollution umbrella, saw to it that any snowflake that was unlucky enough to fall near would wilt and evaporate back up into the cloud.
This meant that the snow gained enough toxins so when the cloud was free of the city proper the suburbs would get a covering of thick drifts of black snow.

Shit snow we called it.

When I was growing up mothers calling children back for their mittens weren't doing so to keep their offspring warm. More to stop their hands from blistering and burning from the freezing toxic wasteland that came every winter. I believe that it was one of the few places where a snowball fight was banned under the Geneva convention on Biological weapons.

Things are different now, so they tell me. The air scrubbers embedded in every tall building are doing their job. The cloud is thinning out and sunlight can be seen on the streets of Manhattan for the first time in a hundred years. This renders the street lamps continual 12 hour routine of night and day useless.

The real sunlight has us blinking and we're reaching for our sunglasses out of need, not vanity just as our great great great great forefathers must have done before us.

The fresh snow can't help matters either. Lying like a blanket of non-fat-soya-yoghurt defiantly not scalding those that are brave enough to touch it with bare skin.

It'll melt soon in the almost unbearable brightness but for a while we can remember that snow didn't always kill.

Wednesday 27 June 2007

meandering worthless thoughts.

Odd kind of day today, I find myself thinking along the same sort of lines I remember thinking about a a year or so ago but for a different type of fiction.

That's progress for you I suppose going from the same starting point to totally different conclusions.

I've got so much stuff on at the moment its not funny, I've even had to turn down free beer on Friday so I've got a clear head for the workload on Saturday.

That's right I just turned down free beer. There must be something wrong with me apart from getting responsible.

I've filled the sixteen places on my stag do now and if I'm, being honest I'm far more nervous about a drunken night out in Cardiff than I am actually getting married. I'm just not sure I'd enjoy being handcuffed naked to a streetlight at three in the morning.

Hopefully it'll just be a good laugh with some close friends rather than some of the nightmare stag dos people have been telling me about. I'm not sure how much the stags in question have told their wives, but clearly not very much if they actually went ahead with the ceremony.

Bit rambly today but hopefully that'll clear up as I've got about a hundred replies to wedding invites to sort through tonight.

This wedding has suddenly got very VERY real.

Laters.

Monday 25 June 2007

Wedding redux


Ed and Kats wedding (Photos to the left) was simply lovely.


Ed arrived in a DeLorean done out like the time machine from 'Back to the future' to rapturous applause, mainly from me! Kat looked simply stunning as she walked down the aisle on her way to becoming Mrs Evers-Swindel. The service was brief but filled with lovely moments especially with the vicar giving a sermon on 'the force' and about 'The Power of Love' they signed the register to Leia's theme and walked out as husband and wife to the Triumphant procession from 'A New Hope'. It was all I could do to stop myself from growling, wookie style.

They left the church in a gorgeous old Jag, leaving my sister to catch a lift in the delorean to the wedding lunch, fulfilling a childhood dream of hers. The do was in a marquee in Kats parents field which has possibly the best view of the Flintshire countryside I think I've ever seen! Pimms was served and much chat and catching up with people I rarely get to see. Ross, Andrew, Ally are all really really good friends whom I simply don't see enough of due to geography. Damn Geography!

The lunch was really nice especially considering it was served from a tent in a field. I did consider asking them for the soup recipe but I thought that might be in bad taste.

The speeches were really good, Kats dads speech was really touching and Will managed to tickle a few funny bones by taking the mick out of me as well as the groom!

After lunch we decided to take a walk and wandered around the back roads until we ran out of champagne and then headed back to the night do, where Ed's band played really well surprising everyone when Kat not only sang three beautiful songs with them but then did a drum duet with Ed! And then it was cheesy disco dancing until the wee hours.

My favourite wedding I have ever attended. So far!

Sunday 24 June 2007

Weddings!


Two of my best friends got married yesterday and I'm over the moon for them. A little hung over but still over the moon.

All the photos are available from my flickr account listed on the left there.

Happy wedding Kat n Ed! I know you guys are going to be fantastic together.

(FYI, They're the two in the middle... :))

Friday 22 June 2007

Straight to DVD title of the week.

hola,


Morning!

Things are kind of settling back to normal now. Just to give you some idea frantic emails were flying around departments at 2 o'clock this morning, luckily I'd been out all evening at my badminton night out so I had all the email trail in my mailbox this morning.

London was fun although the tube was totally rammed and really sweaty and hot. Being embedded in someones armpit travelling from South-west to North London is in no-ones 'TOP TEN THINGS TO DO' list.

Had one of those weekends where your forced into groups that you have to be civil and polite to people that you normally wouldn't choose to hangout with. bit of a culture clash but it was okay.

Except at the pub we went to 5 guys were having a darts contest that I could not understand at all, they'd have three darts each (or less) throw them randomly around the board and get a score from one to five. One being good five being poor. But the scoring seemed totally random! but they all obviously knew the rules as groans or sharp laughs would arise after ever throw. It made NO SENSE!

If it had been Will doing it I would have thought it was some kind of though experiement!

Anyway my writings gone to crap in the last few weeks I've been so stressed and busy I think I've written one word. And that word was;

"The ".

I think it needs a bit more work.

I did however pass the second module of my course! So, Woo and indeed Hoo! Just got to find some time to do part three and resit part one and I'll be on my way!!

Thursday 21 June 2007

Notes from...


I like this one.
 
There was a documentary on Annie Prolux on her novel 'That old Ace in the Hole';
 
 
; where she visited all these weird little places in the Texas panhandle. Amongst them there were green and verdant towns that I would never expect to see in Texas.
 
I actually recommend 'That old ace in the hole' over her more well known books 'The Shipping news' or the gay cowboys eating pudding romp 'Brokeback Mountain'.
 
She really embeds herself in the stories she writes, living in a place for up to three years learning all about it before putting pen to paper. Her work really evokes places and people that you and I will never have the privilege of seeing but through her writing, feel we know.
 
 

Wednesday 20 June 2007

Notes from the road 10


 
 
Chapter 10
 
 
 
Notes from the road pt 10
 
We were stopped on the outskirts of a pretty town with the disconcerting name of  Desolation. To us four sun-blasted veterans of the desert this tiny village was anything but desolate, being just on the side of a huge lake and surrounded by forest on the bank. The trees on the shore line provided the perfect shade for a small lunch and gave the perfect view of calm waters reflecting an azure sky broken only by Dogs insistence of diving into the water shattering its mirror-like consistency.
 
Towering above this tranquil scene was the mountain we had recently descended, standing proud above all the others in his range. With the solid granite on one side and the lake on the other I should have felt trapped, caught being a rock and a wet place but instead I felt secure, safe almost.
 
We were walking into the reception of a expansive hotel called The Pine Lodge, although the imported polished cars, its immaculate lawns and the five stars discreetly placed on its signboard put paid to its humble sounding name. 
 
The guests were mainly rich businessmen on retreat from the north in search of some game fishing and their spouses who either shared or tolerated their husbands passion for Poisson. A few of these archetype couples were having coffee in the morning room off of the foyer when we walked in. You could feel their stares boring into and through you for daring to interrupt their carefully ordered little universe.
 
To be fair to them we did made a pretty incongruous collection walking through their staid world of bronzed oak and velvet drapes, of room service and bellboys that always smile no matter how little you tip them, being a chirpy mongrel dog, the striking yet dressed-down Madison, the massive check shirted Bran and me. 
 
The clerk surveyed us with a calculating stare starting from toe to head and I'm sure his gaze didn't even get above ankle height before he knew there would be no gratuity for him tonight.
 
He was wearing a grey pinstripe suit with a tie that alone cost more than Bran's truck and was snotty in that way that only Englishmen working abroad can manage. A snivelling superior air that even though they're waiting on you makes you feel they're doing it under sufferance.
 
The road dust from several days travel settled around us on the immaculate beige and crimson carpet as he leant across the two foot of walnut and said,
"Can I help you sir?" not bothering to hide his desire to be as little use as possible.
 
"We'd like a room please." I replied trying not to let his airs downsize me.
 
His gaze hardly flickered.
 
"For all of you together sir?"
 
Madison stifled a laugh under a cough and I cursed myself silently.
 
"No just a twin and a single will be fine thank you."
 
"I'm afraid sir the only rooms we have available might be a little out of sirs price range. The Sleep-E-Z motel is just across town, might I suggest you seek accommodation there?"
 
He looked down on Dog who had remained very calm on the end of his leash but had now obviously caught a scent and was trying, unsuccessfully to drag Madison towards a potted fern in the corner of the elegantly appointed room.
 
"We've already been there," I said trying to inject a moment of calm back into the situation" they've got no vacancies and they told us you might have a room here."
 
"We do have rooms sir but I think they might be unsuitable for your needs."
 
"Unsuitable?"
 
"Totally."
 
"For you or for us?" Chimed in Madison colouring rapidly, I was only an arched eyebrow behind her in the race to loose our patience.
 
"The only rooms we have left mam are one single and the bridal suite which on its own is more expensive than hiring every room in the Sleep-e-z motel for a week. So you see why I might think this particular venture might be out of your financial reach. Now might I suggest you take your little menagerie out of my hotel before you disturb the actual paying guests anymore than you unruly presence here already has."  
 
He arched his eyebrow.
 
"Now look," I was about to say. "Yes we may look like drifters, yes we may not be up to the steam pressed standards of your usual clients and yes our dog may be just about to take a leak against your no doubt hugely rare and expensive fern but there no need to treat us as if we're smeared in our own faeces. Surely there are standards and rituals of human behaviour that even you talking from your clearly elevated position over us can use to not make us feel like blood sucking ticks on the ass of civilisation."
 
Well, that's what I was about to say, but I was interrupted by Bran gently but firmly moving me out of the way with a ham like hand to loom over both the counter and the clerk.
 
We can become so used to see something special or unusual that it takes a special set of circumstances for us to see it clearly, as it actually is, again.
 
Bran pulling himself up to his full height and wading forward to the counter, made me see him how others must view him everyday. The pure physical hulking brutality of the man, hidden in our day to day dealings was as clear to me then as one of those optical illusions where you see two faces looking at each other and then it becomes an hourglass.
 
That change had just overtaken Bran and the clerk could feel it too. All his forced manners good graces and expensive suit couldn't protect him now. Even the solid wooden bastion of the counter top felt as flimsy as paper mache and offered about as much protection.
 
Bran glowered down on the thin head of this bug, this insect that dared to insult and defy him. I braced myself for the violence and a swift exit, trying to remember if we had left any finger prints on our way in to tie us to this forthcoming crime.
 
"Do you," Bran hand reached inside his jacket followed by the clerks gaze who gave an involuntary yelp," Take American Express?"
 

At that moment I don't know who was more surprised, Madison, myself or the clerk whose programming obviously took several seconds to come back on at the sight of Bran's platinum card. As normality returned Bran seemed to shrink almost allowing the clerk to fluff himself up again.
 
"Of course sir. That will do very nicely."
 
"I think you'll find my credit is excellent"
 
"I'm sure it is sir. Thank you."
 
-----------
 
Together we walked over to the elevator too surprised to speak. Madison looked at me as if to say, "Did you know about this?" I shook my head indicating Bran's apparent affluence had been a secret from me too. .
 
He stood in front of us, his broad back giving nothing away and said.
 
"There are sometimes, when proving a point is the right thing to do, however expensive it may then turn out to be. Also," he added " I was sleeping in a bed tonight whatever the cost."
 
The lift trundled upwards towards the bridal suite.

Monday 18 June 2007

.

Dear internets,
 
Sorry for not writing sooner.
 
I've been away on a work course for the weekend and found someone had pressed the "Let's meltdown robs payroll and pee pee on the ashes" button.
 
Normal service will be resumed when I can actually find more to post than....
 
Bastard.
Bastard.
Bastard.
Bastard.
Bastard.
Bastard.
Bastard.
Bastard.
Bastard.
Bastard.
Bastard.
Bastard.
Bastard.
 
Love 'n' biscuits.
 
Rob

Wednesday 13 June 2007

Travelblog : bah people

Ever had one of those days where you wish EVERYONE would go away?

Going to London for a conference till the weekend. Updates no doubt soon.

Sunday 10 June 2007

Going to the Zoo Zoo Zoo, How about you?


Had a great stag do yesterday, spent all morning in Chester zoo looking at the animals looking at us. We followed a bunch of scousers around the Chimpanzee enclosure who kept offering the Chimps out for a fight.

As Ed will tell you Chimps are seven times stronger than even your biggest Scouser and they tend to pull each others fingers off for minor transgressions of established Chimp behaviour. I think your average human would last less than thirty seconds against an enraged chimp but these guys were so annoying I was willing to let them put it to the test.

After establishing that the spider monkeys and rhinos were actually in collusion and about to take over the world, we beat a hasty retreat back to the safety of Ed's garden and set up the barbeque.

Few images remain clear in my mind after we cracked open the third case of Peetermans Artoisbut a few things I am certain of;

1: Lightsabres are about a thousand time more fun if a guy who teaches stage fighting shows you a few basics and then tries to hit you. Also it helps if you have five of the heavy weight master replicas on hand, including Darth Mauls double bladed one.

2: Sticking your Ipod to a set of speakers and hitting random is bound to piss at least one person at a party off. Better to create a tracklist that will offend as few people as possible.

3: Two burgers= good. Three burgers = Better. Four burgers = Too much.

4: Some people are actually surprised when strippers aren't invited to a Stag do.

5: Good people have good people as friends. Even if you've never met them before you have at least one thing in common. And usually several.

Sundays are best used recovering from saturday. Hoorah for hair of the dog!

Boo to work tomorrow.

Saturday 9 June 2007

.

And now I've just seen her crying.

Bollocks.

Now I feel guilty.






Damn shes good at this emotional blackmail thing, If I'd have been there I'd have let her out. Shes like some kind of devious mastermind!

Woo Hoo she's back in jail!


Sense has finally prevailed!

Unless they wanted riots by the rest of the population that weren't white rich daughters of billionaires she had to go back.

Great.




Anyone else think its a little weird that some girl I'll never meet having to go to jail for forty days makes me happy? Its not just me then? Good.

Saturday mornings,


Saturday morning is as close to a sacred ritual as I get, I'm aways up by 7 having no disposition to lie in. I've tried to do it a number of times but unless I'm actually comatosed I'm always up. I start thinking of things to do or read or write or muck about with and I just can't lie still.

I think if you spend most of your week waiting for the weekend spending a goodly portion of it in bed seems counter productive.

Or maybe I'm just weird.

Did a months worth of course work in four days. I feel like my brain is leaking out of my ears but I've completed the reading material for my course next weekend. It's a residential coure so I'll be away for a couple of nights and all the people that have been on the course before talk about is the atmosphere in the bar after the sessions are over.

Sounds like everyone relieved their uni/college days which is fun but besides the point of being there.

Speaking of which if you ever get the chance check out Fandango.

Yes it has Kevin Costner in it... Wait! Where are you going? Come back! Its from 1984 before he got crap!

Anyway but its a really entertaining story of four and a half guys who finish college and go on a road trip that deserves to be a lot more famous than it is.

Anyway off to a stag do at a Zoo, where else could we get genuine stags for the barbeque?

Laters

Friday 8 June 2007

Conversations with a fool.

Hello Mr Taylor?
 
Speaking.
 
We'd like to upgrade your mobile phone.
 
No Thanks.
 
Well sir, what length of contract are you on?
 
Urm...
 
Its twelve months isn't it?
 
If you say so.
 
Well it's twelve months and so you're entitled to a free phone.
 
No thanks.
 
Sorry?
 
No thanks, I've finally got a phone that does everything I ask of it without breaking, collapsing or making calls to Singapore whilst in my pocket.
 
*click*
 
Hello?
 
 
 
When you can get cold caller to hang up on you without shouting, swearing or calling their lineage into question then you'll be a man, my son.
 

Curse of the Paris.

Unbelievable.
 
She's been released from jail three days into a thirty day stint and is now under house arrest.
 
House arrest? Which house? Which mansion should she spend the next 30 days in? The one with four swimming pools or five? It'll be two weeks until we see the lavish parties she'll be holding at the house in the press. Just because she can't go out doesn't mean the party can't come to her. I'll bet Tiffanies are fitting diamonds to her ankle collar now.
 
The double standards of the Justice system is awful. Its always been like this but its only in cases like these that we see how deep the rot goes.
 
Think about Katrina, and how long people had to wait for help. If the Hiltons had lived in those suburbs they would have used every effort to evacuate them.
 
All men are created equally but if you're heir to a multibillion fortune you don't have to face the consequence of your actions.
 
I tried to be funny but I'm just too ashamed for the free world.
 

Thursday 7 June 2007

bah

Work+study+weddings+finance+exams make for very poor reading. Normal service will resume shortly.

Monday 4 June 2007

A reading from the book of Bastardicus


And Lo he did appear unto his flock and his countenance was like thunder. And he said unto them;
 
"Which one of you bastards has assigned all the bloody crappy jobs to me?!"
 
And they could not meet his gaze for it's sheer ferocity would have torn them asunder.
 
He sighed "You guys are unbelievable,".
 
The crowd was greatly relieved that he was a forgiving Deity and unlikely to cast them into the lake of fire where there was a great wailing and a gnashing of teeth.

Le weekend


The trip I was talking about was a surprise birthday party for my Mum in a restaurant in Covent Garden just before she was whisked away to see Mama Mia in the West end all organised with ruthless efficiency by my sister.
 
Well Mum had such a great surprise walking in and seeing all her close family around the table it was wonderful to watch. It's nice to make someone you care about feel special.
 
So we split up after lunch with one half going to get Abba-i-fied the other half of our little troupe went to the pub and drank copious amounts of Peetermans Artois. It's like Stella without the aggro or the annoying hangover. From their it was time to head back to Jane's house for Dominos pizza and more lager. Next morning over to Wez's parents house for a truly wonderful Sunday lunch followed by an uncustomary smooth train ride home.
 
All in all a great weekend

Saturday 2 June 2007

Travelblog: To be read in the style of Hunter S. Thompson. R.I.P.


The train was jammed full of people. "Let me through dammit! I'm a doctor ferchristssakes!" I raged at the hordes of staggering morons choking the passageways. The half full bottle of 100 proof rum i was waving around let them know I was serious.

"Fisher! Overhere!" my companion had shucked two Portugese out of their gainfully aquired seats and we settled in opposite an old couple. They were holding hands in a tight but definite manner drawing strength from each other to deal with the horrifying madness that confronted them across their previously peaceful table.

Carefull words were called for. A set of calm assuring principles were needed to aswade their fears and to stop them involving the police. It was going to be a long enough journey without dealing with those sonsofbitches.

"My companion," I began "is the crown prince of a country I should not name. He is traveling incognito due to several specifically detailed death threats against his person."

Their terrified glances told me the conversation was slipping away from me.

"Listen!" I shouted, slamming the table with my fist "This is serious! This man requires constant medical attention! I am here as his personal physician to attend to his delusions and chronic bedwetting. You're perfectly safe with me."

"Yes," added my companion taking a big snort from the bag of whiteish powder hed dumped on the table,"we're not like the others."

"Damn it!" I exclaimed to him watching their hastily retreating backs" They've gone to get the police you know!"
"Why?" he replied pointing at the bag "I did offer them a straw."

I put the newspaper over my head and made snoring noises hoping the fuzz would think I was traveling alone.

The train roared on into the night.

Friday 1 June 2007

Stephen fry and discrimination


In wasn't going to post again today but I'm afraid events today have forced my hand.
 
The discussion as it ever does at work turned to television and one of the older ladies I work with exclaimed her joy at 'Kingdom' which is a Steven Fry mild comedy on ITV with just enough of a dose of 'The Weird' to keep it interesting. Fry's a lawyer that helps people out with odd legal problems each episode like the littlest hobo in a Saville Row suit.
 
However after praising the series to the heavens she then unleashed a barrage against Steven Fry and his 'choice' of lifestyle.
 
The stream of vindictive hate from the mouth of someone usually so calm forgiving and placid was so foul it made me think he had personally offended her. It turns out she's simply a screaming homophobe.
 
Now is it right that people just smile and leave her to her little ways because she's just too old to know any better? Is it right I smouldered in quiet fury but ultimately said and did nothing?
 
No.
 
She should be confronted and told that her prejudices are unwarranted and unwelcome. It was the first time I realised that I do still live in a quiet backwater where 'The Gays' are treated as an alien invasion force corrupting our youth in their bizarre rituals rather than just normal humans.

Weekend

Away for the weekend.
 
Taking sliced thumb with me.
 
Expect updates and pain. Great pain.

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