"Wheres my Effing jetpack?"

That's a cry I hear a lot from people these days. As I get older and optimism for the future turns into wearying acceptance of the present followed by morbid dread of ANYTHING changing, I have heard people talking about how this isn't the future we were promised.

By now, nearly a decade into the 21st century surely, we should be zooming around in jet cars, eating protein pills and spending our holidays on the moon? The world of Buck Rogers is only four hundred years away, which is not a huge length of time for us to have a nuclear war, recover from it and then try and defeat the aliens intent on invading earth whilst wearing too tight spandex.

But I say the future is here and it's not the futures' fault we can't live up to it's promise. We have the ability to communicate with anyone, anywhere in the planet nestled in our pocket. And what do we choose to use it for? Updating the entire world with our current status in 140 characters or less. The whole world is listening and there are a plethora of beautiful languages to use each with a array of emotions of expressions which they can elegantly convey and what do we choose? Text-speak.

"LOL 4GOT BOUT THT! C U L8TER!!!!!!!!!"

(By the way, is it just me, or is text speak worryingly close the the 'Newspeak' doubletalk in George Orwells 1984? Double plus good!)

Is it any wonder that Gods abandoned us? In the old days he used to appear to moses in a burning bush now he'd have to have a website, line of merchandising and eight million followers on Twitter.



THE BIG CHEESE: Quite angry about everything. Which part of 'Thou shalt not kill' did you misunderstand? Thinking about sending another flood.












The future is all around us. From the Colombian free-range fair-trade roasted hazelnut coffee you're sipping to the Chinese sweat shop produced Spongebob Squarepants pajamas you're currently lounging in. Your wardrobe and beverage have traversed more of the globe than you have.

I'm told we get the future we deserve, but I think the future got the raw deal here.